I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
