My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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