I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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