You're completely useless in the revolution.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
