like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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