i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
