Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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