i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
