were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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