soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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