It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
