When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
