What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
