I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
