I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
