You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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