it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
i need some magic done to my vagina
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
