I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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