So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
