I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
