I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
