That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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