dude i'm inner monologue high
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
