The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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