he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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