You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
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