Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
