ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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