so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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