Say something about gay babies.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
