He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
