her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
