Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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