i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
