When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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