Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
