come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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