Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
