I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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