I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
