girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
