A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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