Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
