I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
