don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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