Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
