UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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