It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
