She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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