Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
How's work?
Spinning.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
