Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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