Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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