stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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